Thursday, January 4, 2007

Back Cracks and Butt Rubs

Recently I was referred to the 2nd chiropractor of my 32 years on planet earth. I was a bit apprehensive at first, given my 2005 track record-- (walking with a cane for 4 months REALLY didn't make me think fondly of back cracks and butt massages (yes, I'll get into this more...) even if my doc back then was a babe and a half.

(photo by williamnyk on Flickr)

Yes, I was fairly "jacked up" as some say... thanks to my ineptitude with a cofeehouse staircase, some slippery boots, icy sidewalks, thin shins and a normal gait not unlike Barbaro's current condition.

Even so, I took the chance to go see Dr. Werner after my ENT suggested him for my TMJ.

"He'll stick his fingers in your mouth and go..." (insert doc making "popping" sound).

"Stick his fingers in my mouth?"

"Yeah. He's really good. Go to him."

So on that note I thought to myself, "Well, worse things could happen."
After all, I HAVE had a colonoscopy, and who KNOWS what happened while I was under. (shudder) At least this guy I'll be conscious with.

So my first appointment went great. It forced me up at an hour I'm not used to-- 6:55AM. Out the door by 7:10, on the train at 7:15 (a seat, even!) and in his 61st Street office at 8:00AM. Not too bad a commute for the distance.

Mellow wouldn't begin to describe Dr. Werner. I always find it strange to call someone "Dr." when they're probably the same age as me. It's just weird.

Immediately I was told, "Yeah, you're speaking to the right."

I turned and looked in the mirror-- sure enough-- it was pretty freaky; kind of like Elvis' lip curl, but not as endearing, and certainly not "sexy back."

So I turned to him and said, "Okay, let's go for it."

Neck crack, back push, butt forced to the side, hip popped, legs pushed, pelvis down.

Whack... crack... pop.

Suddenly I stood up and felt almost a rebirth. It was like blood flowing to my head for the first time in decades. Not bad.

My 2nd appointment consisted of the snapping on of the latex gloves.
Insert my apprehension, and his obligatory, "Okay, here we go. Warn me if you're going to bite."
The poor guy-- much more risky for him with these equine choppers.

"Will do, sir."

So the fingers go in mouth, pushing down on gums, massaging and reaching far back to almost tendon/tonsil area.

It's wasn't fun, (the gag reflex) but it seems to be helping.
I could immediately open and close the jaw with little to no difficulty, even if for a few days after it was sore.

Today's treatment was not as intense, but still was nice to get this cranal side ear massage, pop, Reiki, pressure point thingamajiggy that felt wonderful.

As for the previous doc's chiropractic butt massage "technique," I have to say it was fairly enjoyable, though it probably didn't do much for my leg at the time.
Mind you, it wasn't really perverted-- it was more "Vibrations will help loosen the muscles that are locked," so insert the Thumper Sharper Image/Brookstone mechanism to the glutes.

Fun times.

I love chiropractors.

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